Monthly Archives: January 2011

Day 5 through 10…and then 11

So, how about this project, eh? I’ve been so GREAT at keeping it updated daily…you know, like I’m supposed to.

Except I didn’t.

And here’s why:

Literally from January 4th – January 9th, I was dealing with the flu. That meant I did nothing but play Wheel of Fortune and check my facebook excessively in hopes that I could get some social contact with people since I wasn’t allowed out of the house to infect everyone else with my sickness.

Which leads me to here. Day 11. I did nothing. I shall continue to do nothing. I’m not feeling particularly reflective. Nothing extremely interesting as happened. I’m still trying to get back into the groove of the living. I will report back tomorrow when I get my mojo back…hopefully.


Sick

No, really, I’m sick.

So, you know … boo.


Home

“Echoes and silence, patience and grace, all of these moments I’ll never replace. No fear of my heart or absence of faith. All I want is to be home.”

It feels like it’s been forever since I graduated high school when in reality, it’s only been 4 years. But since my days at Palmdale High School, it feels like I’ve struggled to find my place in the outside world. No matter how hard I try, it’s felt like whenever I take 2 steps forward, I get knocked 3 steps back and especially in the last year, it started to take its toll on me. I just want to be in a place where I’m comfortable and happy. I want the place that I call “home” to be a place that I can prosper. Is that so much to ask?

This is my home.

Whether I like it or not, right now what you see about is my home. It’s in the place where I least wanna be in the world. The place where life stops at 20. Where opportunity is stagnant and progress is frowned upon. The place where section 8 is considered  “living the dream”.  And I truly hate to sound callous, but I’m better than this. Most of the people I know are better than this and yet this is what we’re stuck with.

I’m a true believer in the idea that hard work gets you far, pretty much wherever you need and want to be. This belief has led to the epiphany that I haven’t worked hard enough. It’s 2011. Time to do work.

Day 3 down and counting…


How Far Do You Wanna Go?

“Are you looking for a little more than this hold-you-down broken town. Better leave now or you’ll never know. How far do you wanna go?”

It’s the first day of 2011 and it’s been drunken, sleepless, uncomfortable, fun, irritating, and at this point, seems to be never-ending. But in what has been the longest day of my life (not really), it’s given me plenty of time to reflect on this 365 project and it’s importance. And all that reflection has lead me to this one paralyzing thought :

It’s pretty fucking important.

This thought was followed by the overwhelming feeling of wanting to violently vomit all over my computer screen. I held back that urge and proceeded to really analyze this project. Analyze and plan. Plan and decide. Decide and deal. Let’s break this down, shall we?

Analyze: Why am I doing this? What do I hope to accomplish from it? Have I lost my mind?

I’m doing this because I have this desperate desire to not just be another 25 year old living with his parents and working some dead end job while I watch my life pass me by, then have regrets in my future. I’m hoping that through this, I can learn some discipline and I seriously have hope that I’ll become a better person. My self esteem needs the bump that this would bring. And no, I haven’t lost my mind…well, not my entire mind…although, depending on who you are, you could think otherwise.

Plan: It’s like this. I’ve 12 months, 365 364 days and a whole lotta stuff that I want to do. Of course I’m gonna start off with the most important and the stuff that I know I can complete now. This includes school, getting back in a regular gym regimen, proper eating habits, etc etc. But beyond that, it’s about setting time limits and goals for the rest of the year. The planning is definitely a work in progress.

Decide: Do I really want to do this? Hell yes I do.

And finally, deal: The questions that people are inevitably going to ask, the lack of support that will be coming from all sides among other things are definitely going to make completing this next year more complicated than I think I can comprehend right now. Motivation is key. Learning to work past the criticism may prove harder than it seems.

Mah, random thoughts from a very tired boy. I think at this point, I’ll call it night.

It’s a new year. Which means new chances. Which means new opportunities. Take them all, good or bad. Happy new years everyone.